In the journey of growing up, interpersonal conflict usually revolved around people that we
communicate with, be it family members, friends or colleagues. Conflict is
inevitable in our courses of life and each of these conflicts redefines our
relationships with these people and our own personality.
The way we approach the conflict
determines our future relationships with these people. If we do not handle it well, hostility and resentment towards each other arise. If we handled it
well, we gain greater trust and deepen our relationships
I have a conflict with a friend over
a long period of time and there were different stages on how I tackled it.
I have a childhood friend who I am very close
to during my primary school days up till now. I know her personalities very
well and we do share our woes and foes together. However, one problem of her is
being too dominating. She wanted everyone to go along with her. During
secondary school days, my friends and I accommodated her and did not bring the
issue up. I choose to remain silent as I was scared that if I discussed the
issue with her openly, given her ego, our relationships would deteriorate
further. She was my best friend and I wanted it to remain as how it should be.
As I grew up, I know ignoring the
problem could not solve the problem. I started to face the issue and try
dropping hints to her. She ignored it and continued to do it in her way.
Over the years, I started to accept her
personality and assume nothing had happened before. We are still friends till
today however the problem still remains as a thorn between our relationships.
Perhaps a lot of things had left unsaid and we were both unclear of what we
should do.
I am clear that currently we are both at the stage of avoiding the problem. I do know we should work and discuss to solve the problems to achieved the win-win situation. However this is easier said than done in most cases. So the question is how do I achieved this win-win situation without her resenting my opinions and cause a deterioration in our relationships?
Hello Huiping! Grace Yee here :)
ReplyDeleteIt is comforting to see how you choose to stick with your friend despite the problems. :)
It sounds like there is an unresolved history to the conflict between you and your friend. It is all the more why you should not avoid the problem any longer. :) Try to resolve the issues before anything blows up. The scars may be too deep for reconciliation and healing if that happens!
I understand that the easiest way to handle such a situation is to avoid it. Nobody likes awkward siutations. However, if we want to be true to our friends, not only must we face it for ourselves, we must also help our friends to face it if they are unable to do so.
Sit your friend down and walk through with her what the problem is. Be really honest with her because it is the best way to show your sincerity as a friend and how much you want to overcome the problem between the both of you. Your honesty will also give your friend the courage to make the change she needs to. Just be very encouraging and assuring with her and yourself and that both of you are in this together. :)
Time is needed for change to happen especially since she has been so used to being dominating. On your part, you will probably need to have a lot of patience and endurance if she is willing to make the change. With determination, nothing is impossible! :)
Never stop communicating with your friend. Avoidance is the worst way of communicating because it means not having any communication at all. If you feel that she is rejecting what you are trying to tell her, find other ways to reach out to her. Basically, don't ever stop trying to help her face the truth. I beleive that with a sincere heart, it is possible for her to open up to you as well. :)
Last but not least, teach her one aspect of effective communication skills - listening. Once she starts to listen to people, she will be more receptive to what others are saying. It will help her to be less dominating. :)
Like what you saind in your post: If you handle it well, you will gain greater trust and deeeper you relationship with your friend! :)
All the best! :)